chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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