My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
