dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
one two three fourrrrnication!
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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