In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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