Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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