How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize