i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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