Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
