you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
should my penis look like a turkey
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I have tasted many bathrooms
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
