yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
