We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
