The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
