There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
