the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Is it because I queefed?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
