This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
