I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
one might say we're banned from that church
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
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