Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
