p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
