I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I need moral support for this bender
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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