my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize