Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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