I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
