I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
