Im at strip club and am horny
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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