I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize