i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
either way he was missing a nipple.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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