I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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