She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
