i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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