it's too hot outside to masturbate.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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