i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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