So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
