YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
