I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Enjoy the penises
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
