All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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