How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Randomize
