So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
