If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
