It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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