they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
