I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
