two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
