smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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