He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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