He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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