so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
