you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Sorry my hands just texted you
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
