Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
