dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
