Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
