I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
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