if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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