I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
