a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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