I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
