You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
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