Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize