I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
