I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
