I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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