Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
if only i could text you this smell
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
