I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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