just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
