Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
