i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
