Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
