I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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