Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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