I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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