woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
