he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
